Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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