it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
