Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
