Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
