no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
