I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
