I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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