I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
