he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
