Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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