1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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