Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
