I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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