I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
