i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
