He is an equal opportunity slut.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
