Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
only if we run a train.
done.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
