How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
