You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
