She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
