i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
