Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
