dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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