Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
