When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
