Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
thus making me awesome and them whores
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
