I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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