Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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