I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
