I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just gargled with NyQuil
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
