did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
