When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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