i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
