she was so not down for the gang bang
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
