Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
