I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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