So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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