if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
