She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
