didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
