i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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