Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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