I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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