Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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