she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
