never play flip cup with pint glasses
You can't special order awesome
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize