I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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