dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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