you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize