Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
