Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
