i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
