Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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