I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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