I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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