Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
