I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize