I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
In other news, I just burned my penis
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
