take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize