i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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