please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
