I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
