I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
