My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
