4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
