will power is for people who don't want to get laid
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
