So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
